#do I even warn my parents
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Oh hey what about a groundhogs day event where the hero has to relive their traumatic “One Bad Day”-esque backstory but it’s another hero they either know really well and the only way to break the loop is letting that horrible event happen
Bc I’m basic my first thought was “Oh, this would absolutely tear up anyone having to walk down crime alley knowing way too well what’s about to happen”
But I’m also obsessed with my blorbo so my other thought was “Omg lol, imagine if one of the adult heroes ended up in Billy’s body just before his parents left to go die on their dig and think maybe they can save their co-worker the tragedy he faced so young only for every attempt they succeed at getting them to stay keep the loop going and they realize they have to let them go and doom this kid all over again. Haha, extra points if the loop actually lasts from that point to them actually dying so they wake up the next day thinking they failed again only for it to be tomorrow and suddenly Uncle E gets the call that his brother and sister in law are dead and then whoever is in Billy’s body is getting thrown out with a suitcase realizing maybe the nightmare is going to last longer.”
And I just had to laugh bc goddamn my brain cant stop with angst
#‘DC stop making Billy miserable’ I say into the mic#‘I can make it worse’ says my brain ready to swing at the orphan with a sledge hammer#Groundhog Day but body swap basically#even funnier if they DONT know their fellow hero but still realizes the warning flags and tries to save them only to keep waking up#that tragedy of knowing what’s going to happen to someone you care about but the only way to escape is to let it happen#also just the jarring shift back to childhood for a lot of these heroes#other ideas being stuff like one Robin dealing with Dicks One Bad Day doing all they can to save his parents#someone dealing with the day Clark lost his parents/Pa specifically as his Bad Day bc he was too baby for the whole Krypton thing#maybe even a villain/antagonist trying to stop their hero from existing but just ending up sympathetic#then when the day is over they are through a whole character arc and don’t even want to fight anymore bc ‘I am so sorry for your loss’#vice versa too since villains have their Bad Days too#if this has been done for DC please tell me so I can go feral over this idea#dc#billy batson#shazam#batman#fanfic inspo#fanfic ideas#groundhog day#dc comics
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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working
#personal*#jess talks#trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent#but genuinely I want to give up#I don’t want to exist#I feel like a burden and a scrounger#I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else#I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life#I complain that I can’t support myself#yet I make no effort to fix that#im scared of my insecurity to do anything#I’m scared I’m not good enough#I’m scared to exist in my own home#it doesn’t feel like my home#I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni#I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years#I never feel secure or safe#and I feel responsible#I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family#all I want is my independence back like I had at uni#but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off#my whole existence is a waste#I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where#I might as well give up entirely#I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless#but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself#my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself#with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect#grow up Jess
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JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.
#jojo siwa#discourse#Her comment sections are VILE#I actually don’t hate her songs. They’re basically early-2000s new old stock and I like early 2000s music#Is she trying too hard to look like an “adult?” Yes. But that’s understandable.#What isn’t understandable is screaming at children for no fucking reason#and JoJo not helping at all when a girl was hemorrhaging out her belly button#when JoJo’s mother told the girl to “put a pad on it”#I don’t care how afraid you are of your parents; you END that shit the second you see it#I was raised in a cult and I actively sabotaged my parents’ preaching work on multiple occasions#I didn’t know if I’d get kicked out if they found out I did that; the only reason I still have a relationship with them#is because they never found out about my later sabotage#Dad preached to a waitress dangling a cure for her sons’ disorder in front of her nose as incentive to join and gave her literature#So I went to the restaurant with him and insisted I pay for the tip.#I gave her eight dollars and a sticky note with a bunch of keywords about the cult’s abuses to look up#The next time I went there#she said didn’t understand the sticky note and asked me while he was gone what I meant#I hate talking to people especially when I’m under pressure because I trip over my words even when I’m NOT anxious#But her kids’ lives being free of a cult meant more to me than avoiding a momentary discomfort so I gave a quick rundown#She thanked me and heeded my warning basically playing along with me and not saying anything to my dad about it#I was 20; JoJo was about 19 when her show was going on#She had no excuse for allowing her mom to do that.#At the very least she could have said “Oh god I’m so sorry she said that. Please don’t hurt yourself for my show; go to the hospital.”#But no. She didn’t do that. In fact she screamed at children and joked that if they were crying then it was a good show.#Bitch come here and do that in front of me. I double dog dare you. I may only be 5’5” but I fight dirty and I’m angrier than you#Sorry. I guess I do hate her… for THAT specifically.#Like yeah I’ve fucked up with the kids I help and yelled when I didn’t have to but I HATED doing it and tried to do better later#Why someone would SCREAM at kids on purpose for long periods of time for no reason is beyond me
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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I don't know how much sense this makes but I need a Langelique Cinderella AU, I think it'd work pretty well
#brought to you by:#my last post about angelique's fuck-ass sneakers#& juliet#and juliet#&j#okay but genuinely I think it would work really well#like Angelique is working for lady and daddy cap right#ignore how I called him daddy cap we did Romeo and Juliet for the school play this year and that's what we all called him#and like May and Juliet are the quote unquote evil stepsters#but you know they're not evil they're just like way nicer in comparison to their parents#and like you know the prince holds a ball to find a wife and it's this like whole thing#because lady and daddy cap want Juliet and may to go to like end up with the prince#and like the prince is still Frankie here because maycois is goated let's be real#and like this is kind of where you could either make it centric to a specific ship or you could just do like the whole thing as an au#you could say that like Frankie likes May but when they approach the capulets they're like oh Juliet you want Juliet and it's a whole thing#and you could do jumeo because I don't know maybe Romeo is like you know what Paris was like in the actual Romeo and Juliet play Romeo is#like Paris and the capulets hate him because Lance has kind of like pushing Frankie to be with Romeo but Romeo wants to be with Juliet#and Juliet wants to be with Romeo and blah blah blah but Lance and Angelique specifically comes in where it's like okay but what if Lance i#also looking for a new partner at these balls because you know his wife like died and he needs someone else to share the throne with and#that's why both may and Juliet end up going because their parents don't care about the age difference because their parents suck and they'r#just like you're going to end up with royalty one way or another and you know Angelique is like be safe and actually parenting them and#and warning them and making sure they're prepared to like actually go out to this ball because royalty or not it's still dangerous and#they're both like why don't you just come with us and it's a bit where like maybe April and William play the role of fairy godparents#and you know Angelique is able to go and she meets Lance and they have their little shoe thing and they have the Cinderella ark meanwhile#there's the whole love square with May Frankie Juliet and Romeo and Juliet gets to have a moment where it's like how are you so controlling#that you're pushing May to get with a man like 30 years their senior yet you cant deal with me getting with the wrong rich guy and may is#like screw y'all Juliet was The Golden child anyway okay I get what I want now and it's all happily ever after#and angelique gets Lance a magical girl transformation and some CLEAN FUCKING SNEAKERS EVEN MINE ARENT THAT DIRTY N I DONT CLEAN EM FOR SHI#anyways
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#warning: rant about parent ahead#I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles#like exceedingly so#but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing#and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE#you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all#and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on#and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them#but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us#she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me#and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’#and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc#but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!!#which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day#but of course she won’t hear it#so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!!#i just shut the fuck up at all times now#but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him#’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc#THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS#i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it#It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno#and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room#it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself*#she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t#i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me#so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago#But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with#and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do#AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER
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uh oh i feel like i have a deeply maladaptative response to people knowing Literally Anything about me it's fine it's fine i'm handling it very well
#constantly daydreaming about throwing my phone in the river n leaving a nice note for my parents and fucking LEAVING#but like#if i just stop talking to my friends#then what's the point#do i make new friends? will i do the same shit to my new friends?#it feels like kind of a dick move to do that to people i like#and i DO like them#i like hanging out w them and just. i don't know. i feel like this freedom i dream of is something i could have in this life yknow.#i feel if i had balls i could just start living the life i want#it's not even like my parents are dicks or something they trust me and they've very understanding and loving#they wouldn't judge me for how i dress or be mad if i stay out late as long as i warn them#but i dont know. i dont know why i'm a massive fucking weirdo about it okay.#but i've caused them so much trouble already. i feel like i'm betraying them if i grow up.#i feel like i'm causing them too much worry no matter if i stray away from the nest or stay.#and i feel like a fucking monster for not loving them enough but i can't stand being near them anymore#it's too painful#i've never managed to completely hate them even when i was deep in depression and they handled it poorly#i'd get into a screaming match with my dad and an hour later we'd sing songs together in the car#but it's been so dull lately. it feels like im in a video game. picking prewritten dialogue and being fed prewritten answers.#and WHY does this happen. why can't i just have a normal relationship with people#why do i turn into an alien on his first day on earth whenever i start caring abt someone#why are we so fucking abnormal as a family that we never goddamn hang out#why am i such an empty husk of a person that i cannot for the life of me figure out something we could do together#i keep believing in this fantasm of one day changing everything in one fell swoop instead of growing up like a normal guy#because i know i'm a coward. i'm scared of other people seeing me fail.#i dont want to hurt my parents ever again and i dont want to settle for halfway freedom#so i repress hardcore things i want so that nobody not even me can decipher what it is#smth smth the enormity of my desire disgusts me#and of course it fails because im weakshit and cannot restrict anything ever#and i hurt them anyway
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I can't believe I chose to go to a school artshow over Six Flags that shit fucking sucked.
I think I would've preferred that sensory overload over the one I got there
#1. My little sister throws a fit over food and my parents argued over how to handle it 3 min after entering the damn building#2. One of my teachers (who's had me for two years and has been warned against doing this) used my preferred name with my parents#3. We waited twenty minutes to watch my animations only to find out the one that I actually submitted and was proud of got replaced#Specifically it got replaced by a much older animation of mine that I hate but my teacher asked to be played 'alongside' my actual request#4. Got a sensory overload (as previously stated)#5. I didn't even get time to look at and fully appreciate the other art that was there
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tfw it seems like your job genuinely couldn't care less about your wellbeing :)
#the first time i got covid was at my last job and after that i developed the immune suppression and chronic ear infections that have been#ruining me for the past 2 years#then yesterday we found out that the kid i sent home sick friday (who i spent most of the day 1-on-1 with bc they were miserable) tested#positive friday night. but they didn't have an official diagnosis so work refused to tell families there had been a close contact. then this#morning we hear that another of my kids and their parent both tested positive. but those were 'only' home tests so we weren't allowed to#tell families there had been yet another close contact. all of my kids today were boogery and coughing but they don't require test-to-stay#or any isolation for close contacts with 'mild' symptoms. so i have gotten to spend 3 days now with at least 2 positive infants. i'm still#not even fully over the mild cold and subsequent infection i got 2 weeks ago. i tested negative again last night but there's just no way i#actually won't get it even if my home tests say i'm negative.#this is the first week back to school for older siblings. and they didn't warn anyone about a close contact over the long weekend when#i'm sure a bunch of families had gatherings. i'm just so fucking pissed. why tf do you think we're still seeing this shit????#our policies at work are treating covid 'like any other mild illness' so not only are all of my classroom INFANTS all being exposed but also#me and my co-teacher!!! and they don't care at all!!!!!!! there is a solid chance that when i get it it'll be v e r y bad for me#but who gives a shit? i'm just another disabled pos who shouldn't be working if i can't risk getting sick. bc that's how life works right?#i don't have words to explain the level of rage i feel over all of this. i'm so fucking tired of it.#pretty sure i use a different tag every time but#covid#chronically ill#stochastic ramblings
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People who don't know dog body language who have pushy sketchy dogs are so awful to be around. I told our housemates that their dog Klaus doesn't like me when we went out to watch the eclipse earlier today because I didn't want to go in the fenced yard with him out and they were like "oh no he's fine don't worry." When he saw me he charged up to the fence, high flagged tail, snorting and barking and jumping at the fence and they still were like "oh he's friendly, he just wants to smell you, see his tail is wagging". Like my dude... tail wagging does not mean friendly, and what about the noises he's making rn sounds friendly to you?
Selene's sister grabbed him and I thought she was going to take him inside because she acted like she was going to, but instead she stopped halfway and just held him back while I came into the yard and then let him go to run up and sniff me, which he had very stiff body language the entire time he did so. For a while after that he ignored me because of the kids calling him away and was chill, but still kept coming over and sniffing me occasionally and was very tense each time so I just tried to stay calm and sweet talk him and didn't try to touch him to help defuse the situation.
Then I walked a little away from the group to point out a plant in the yard to Selene's mom which was a mistake because once I was out of the little circle we were standing in he started body blocking me, tense face, stiff body, whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. They tried to call him away and were like "oh he's just trying to get you to play, sorry he's so demanding of attention." I started trying to walk toward the gate to leave because he very much was NOT trying to get me to play and I did not feel confident in their ability to control him, and he immediately did it again. And again they tried to call him away. And I got maybe another two steps before he turned right back around and did it again. And they called him away again saying he was just trying to play. Rinse and repeat for a total of like six times of him body blocking me, tense and whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. All while they're just laughing like "Sorry, Klaus just really loves playing". Dudes your dog is actually behaving aggressively toward me right now, please get control over him so I can leave he is NOT TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.
This is the second time I've been invited into the yard while Klaus was out and the first time they kept telling me the same thing but he was actually following me around growling at me then and they were still like "oh it's just cuz he doesn't know you yet, he'll warm up to you, he's friendly". YOUR DOG IS SKETCHY. I DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. PLEASE JUST PUT HIM INSIDE WHEN I'M IN THE YARD WITH Y'ALL. And PLEASE learn some dog body language because nothing about his right now says "friendly" at all!!!!! Not even a little!!!! TAIL WAGGING DOES NOT MEAN FRIENDLY, ESPECIALLY A HIGH FLAGGED TAIL.
#i will not be going back into the yard while he is out#i only did this time because they made it seem like they were going to put him inside#but then didn't#i do not trust that dog#and they are oblivious and just laughing while he is actively menacing me#cant tell them shit about it though because they act like we're criticizing their parenting if we do and get offended#and then be like 'well your dogs are out of control so what do you know' because my dogs bark at strangers#like... okay your dog growls at and menaces strangers???? mine just bark at strangers who talk to them and try to rile them up#and i dont correct them for that because its not worth correcting and also not their fault#your dog is actually dangerous and you dont have control over him#my dogs are not dangerous and when i tell them to be quiet and get inside they do#so who doesnt have control huh????#theyre just mad because theyre the strangers my dogs bark at sometimes and since i dont like how they interact with my dogs i allow it#because they are rude as fuck and do not respect my dogs' boundaries at all#and think that dogs shouldnt be allowed to have boundaries because they should be 'kid safe“ which really means shut down from punishment#thats how they are with klaus which is a big part of why i dont trust him too#because they have created a dog who gets punished for setting boundaries so that the kids can 'safely' climb all over him and annoy him#and to me that is a recipe for a dog that doesnt give a lot of warning before becoming aggressive because hes been punished for it#i do not trust dogs who have been punished for having boundaries#and i dont trust their owners either#also them doing that means their kids think they can do whatever they want to dogs and interact very rudely with them#so i dont let their kids interact with my dogs at all now because even with me constantly correcting them they ignore me and are rude#and that definitely is something theyre also salty about because their kids want to play with my dogs#and they also want my dogs to play with Klaus and there is mo way in hell I'd allow that which they also dont like#hes an intact bully who they have admitted can be 'really fiesty' with other dogs#and Hermes is an intact male who seems to have a 'kick me“ sign on him for other dogs and i just wont risk it#and it drives them crazy that i dont trust their strange dog not to be aggressive to my dogs and wont let them all be 'friends'#DOGS DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH STRANGE DOGS THEY DONT KNOW OR LIVE WITH#I hate ignorant pet owners that make their ignorance my problem#rant
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top ten funny ford escape moments
1. that time it just completely died after a 20 minute trip out of town but was completely fine the next morning (last summer)
2. that time i woke up to find a huge dent in my car and someones shattered tail light beneath it (last winter)
3. that time it had an engine misfire and it was scary (also last winter)
4. that time the radio decided to change stations and turn its volume all the way up of its own volition (last winter and continuing, frequency of these events seems to be determined by humidity???)
5. that time the drivers side door wouldnt close unless you locked the door but then the lock stopped working so i had to drive to the shop with one hand tightly gripping the door handle so it wouldnt swing open on every right turn (this winter)
6. that time i thiught i had another misfire because my car was shaking more than usual and the engine light was flashing but when i turned the car on and off again everything was apparently fine (today)
7. that time my car was actually not fine because i get back into town and discover that my car is accelerating on its own (today)
8. my car was ACCELERATING ON ITS OWN I WAS NOT TOUCHING THE GAS PEDAL
9. it WOULD NOT STOP and when i put it in park it made some terrifying, expensive sounding noises (cause it was still trying to fucking drive for some reason!!!!) and i immediately turned off the car fuck that fuck that fuck that
10. also my power steering fluid is leaking but all of todays car moments are somehow unrelated according to my dad and his friend who are both way more experienced woth cars than me but could not identify the other liquid that was leaking out of my poor car
#apparently theres been like 7 recalls for this car#i think 3-4 of them are related to the problems ive been having in the almost 2 years ive owned this car#anyway today was fucking terrifying i was just gonna go to my dads to hang out and eat some tacos and nachos but then halfway there#funny moment number 6 happened#and then everything else#thank fucking god i have good fucking parents oh my god#thank god theyre willing to help me out with my 20 year old car that cant keep itself together for even a few months#especially since i know fuck all about cars like what the fuck do you do when you car refuses to come to a stop#i got so fucking lucky there too cause that didnt happen until like right after a stop sign#and that was the last stopsign before you get to my dads house too#this is a warning for the ford escape 2003 fandom#ford escape 2003#if u have one just get a new fucking car#unless ur like me and ur poor as shit#or just sentimental
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im not joking but if one more relative in fucking bangladesh sits me down and warns me about the dangers of pride month and whatever the fuck since im moving to canada im going to kill myself im going to kill myself im going to kill myself
#literally im ok w being closeted till i die bc i love my parents and they dont bring up this shit#but what the fuck its literally so fucking annoying to pretend to be completely interested and ok when some bum fuck uncle is warning me abt#transgenders and drag queens and gay people like . im literally going to shoot myself#and it pisses me off even more when the relatives in question are so unreligious too like. genuinely why the fuck do u care#and sincerely leave me the FUCK alone gay ppl r not gonna kill me what the hell#sometimes i js wanna tell them i kissed a girl for the first time in the same house they were in just so they can freak out or whatever#anyway. anyway. i hate pride month im so sorry fellow lgbts but its so terrible for me#i wish they would continue to just be so ignorant and oblivious to everything pertaining to sexuality and gender#that way i can avoid their stupid lectures. like i literally am always the one forced to listen to this bc im too polite to tell them to#fuck off#and anger and frustration aside... its also just so hurtful lol#like to know sooo clearly that the love ur extended family have for u is so conditional even my cousins#how does who i love change what kind of person i am. if only they had any idea that the kind of derogatory terms they r using towards this#'faceless' force of lgbts applies to the same kid they literally raised. like. idk its so depressing#and if i lie and say im neutral to this kind of topics thats also problematic bc i gotta b violently against it#im genuinely so upset by this soz guys#praying i never return to bangladesh#hate it here lol
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fuck
#trigger warning for anti-queer legislation & transphobia further in the tags#it's just so. awful. and i forget sometimes cause i'm here on my tumblr bubble & i havent left the house in 3 months due to chronic illness#but i am very lucky to live where i live and get to do what i do and i cant even do that anymore. because of this illness#and while im away. theyre. hurting my kiddos. taking away their rights. 'for the children' they say. fuck off.#'leaves them with less choice as adults' what does that even fucking mean. nothing! it means nothing. its to scare you.#do i need to send a letter home to call a child by a nickname instead of their government birthname??#i'll let you all in on a secret: my government name is not char. but my teachers called me it. and my parents didnt need to be notified.#and the world didnt end!#i had a pride flag up in my room. and a kid asked me what it meant. and immediately i knew it was delicate.#hes like whats it for. and im like well. what does a flag mean to you? do you have a flag you connect with?#and the kid was like yeah. its like. community. and im like yeah! that's what this is for some people. it's also a show of support.#and the kid said 'oh i get it.' and then a pause. 'i like the colours' and i said me too!#and we talked about his country flag and other country flags and completely moved on#but he listened! and he learned! this kid hardly listens to me teach but he respects when i'm real.#auoghhh. so many kids affected. genuinely makes me ill. on top of everything.#i dont even know#c.text
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GUYS SO YOU KNOW IVE TALKED A BIT ABOUT HAVING A LOVER
AND I JUAT GOT THE WONDERFUK OPPORTUNITY TO TALK WITH HIS LAZY ASS PARENTS
(GUYS HE GOT HIS PHONE TAKEN AWAY I AM SK SAD)
BUT LIKE THIA BITCH IS SO LAZY COULDNT EVEN BOTHER TO TRY AND REPLICATE HOW MY PRETTY BOY TALKS
like from the get go I could tell it wasn't him it was SO FISHHYYY
(*gossip girl voice is fully activated btw*)
But also I am so worried for him. I hope they weren't snooping, and I'm glad I followed my gut and didn't try to make contact immediately again outside of the one chat we have
Because if they found out he would be in absolute HEAPS of trouble.
I hope he gets his phone back soon. I can't wait for him to return.
#pls pls pls if you know who I'm talking about#do not say or comment about it anywhere else#this is for both of our privacy and pretend you never saw thus#it's just so frustrating that he got his phone taken and they didn't even try hard to convince me#I think his parents thought I was so emotional over it that I was just in denial#like I'm not stupid 💀💀#my love does NOT talk like that#craziest thing that has happened so far in this relationship tbh#I really hope he's okay and doesn't think I'm really hurt over this#because I'm not I just find this a pitiful attempt from a parent#I also made sure to contact some of his close friends that i know of to not contact him#because he is also a wolf shifter and I really don't want him to be accidentally exposed#I was spamming him though I think they were tired of hearing it every night for the last 6 days 🤠✨️#I didn't know if he was okay I had no warning that his stuff was taken#I was completely in the dark#GUYS IM SUCH A GOOD ACTOR#but yeah#wanted to tell you guys because I did NOT expect this#most likely I will delete this after this whole thing is over#I'm pretty sure he will get his phone back just based on how they talked to me#pretty sure it was his mom or stepmom or something#too nice and passive aggressive to be his dad#plus the energy behind the texts felt more... feminine so to say. MY LOVE IS THE OPPOSITE OF FEMININE#I LOVE YOU HONEY#I'm pretty sure he cut contact with everything he could before his parents took his phone but couldn't get to Amino on time.#I really hope they didn't snoop#that would be horrible for him#I'm really worried#like I was worried yesterday oh hell yes I was#but I am WAYYY worried now
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bruh-
#is2g childhood abuse and CPTSD are so EMBARASSING SOMETIMES---#like why am i able to force myself through laughing off a card that misgenders me and a whole fuckload of 'its not too late to come back#to the church' 'its not too late to let jesus save ur soul' ass books. but then the thing that sends me into hysterical snotty shaking sobs#is a ziplock of reeces xmas trees#[like i am Aware its not jUST the candy that did this. moreso that its the shock of being reminded of one of the FEW memories i have from#childhood that wasnt laced with physical emotional and financial abuse. and seeing it without warning felt like a taunt at#what my childhood COULD have been......SHOULD have been...but never WAS. and that opened the black hole in my chest that i do my best to#pretend isnt there every single fucking day i walk this earth. but god DAMN]#just feels so fucking stupid when i think of it as an outside 3rd party#like 'wtf is up with THEM-?'#if yall have parents / mothers that actually love you. hold them SO tightly im not even kidding you have No idea how gifted you are.....#vent
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I have an incredibly strong urge to write a specific type of fanfic for Gabastle.
Hear me out. The Castle infantilizes Gabriel.
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it treats Gabriel like he wasn't a knight that could easily defend himself, but like a child who can't do anything for himself. It's like another layer of codependency I adore with this ship. It frames it as, "My prince, the humans you knew were so awful to you. You are royalty, why should you ever have to lift a finger?" Or like "Oh, my prince, we will do this for you. All you must do is stay there, and not worry about anything." Or even "My prince, you would not understand this diplomatic talk. Let the Toymaker handle this, and we'll take you back to the throne, where you are more comfortable."
Anyways, I'm having thoughts and ideas.
#toadwrites#toadscreech#Gabastle#now that i reread this#some of this might not be infantilization#but this may or may not be from personal experiences that im venting through Gabriel#*being the youngest and being stuck with my parents more made me more infantilized*#*i still struggle to do my own laundry and i dont even know how to load a dishwasher*#*finger guns*#tw manipulation#tw infantilization#tw gaslighting#i think thats all the trigger warnings#let me know if i missed any
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